hollowdemons

Tonight i might write the saddest lines for you, but tonight i will survive the aftermath. Tonight you might hate me, but tonight i will love you to core. Tonight i might not be alongside you, but tonight you will be with me. Tonight you might not think about me, but tonight i will think about you. Tonight you won't feel me, but tonight i will feel you. Tonight you would not want me back, but tonight i will want you. Tonight you won't shed a tear, but tonight i will shed one. Tonight you will not kiss me, but tonight i will kiss you. Tonight you won't pat my head to sleep, but i will pat yours. Tonight you won't rub my cheek and give me hope, but tonight i will rub yours. Tonight you won't look at me with that glitter in your eye, but i will look at you.  Tonight i might not exist with you anymore, but tonight you will be mine in my words.  Tonight i might write the saddest lines for you. Tonight i might hate you. But tonight,  Tonight i'll love you to the c...

i. I know you felt guilty for the pressure- you said so yourself six months down the line, as though that was something you could apologise for. My mouth murmured, that’s okay. My mind whispered, no it is not. But on the day I recall my body moaned, let’s do it again. Memory is a funny thing. ii. I do believe I am falling in love with you. What pretty words. Though, I can’t help but wonder over your definition of the word… love, in my eyes, senses discontent, does not deal with disgust, is divorced from distaste.  iii. We cared as little as each other. I cared enough to not even want. I cared enough to not even want to say no. I sense another problem there. iv. I could lose my mind over you.

But you did not even think about me, even once when you chose somebody over me. You did not even think i was worth one single chance. I was never enough for you. But you, you pulled me out of the darkness i was in and brought me to light. I was not born with this gift of writing, i started to write when it started to hurt. When i had lost all ears but i wanted to throw words out of me, always for you. Good or bad, for you. Never blamed you for not loving me back, but i backed out of everything you were not happy to see me in. That one girl who got between us just so i can't spend the limited time left of ours together with you. It hurts you know, it hurts too much to see you going away like that.

Please don't go, you can't do this to me. Don't you remember when you detached your lips from mine lying on my chest and said we are unseparable. Remember when we were just kids and dreamt about our future together? Remember when you said you'll grow up and marry me? And i said the same back to you. Do you remember when i first whispered in your ear that don't ever leave and you said you won't? Remember when there was a bond imperishable between us? Remember when you came running to me in sadness, hugged me and said you can't be without me? Do you remember when i first touched you, i beg you let my touch remain on your skin. Don't wash it away, please don't. Remember when you scratched my skin and i kissed your neck, when you kissed me back and there was no air left. What did i that was wrong? Why were we destined to take separate ways? What is it that i haven't done for you, i fought myself for you, i grew up in your hands, . The same fuckin...

To the one that I lost,  Tonight I watched a meteor shower with a girl. She was a very nice girl- more than nice, she was charming and funny and kind, and we ran barefoot under the stars to dance to our favourite song at the party, and she lent me her blue velvet jacket and pulled me up onto the wall to sit with her. And we watched the shooting stars, and she held my hand and turned her head, and we kissed. And it was a very nice kiss. And that’s why I hated you right at that moment.  Because I know, that every time I ever do something like that; watching silver bursts of light on the midnight blue, or kissing someone with the music playing behind my back, or dipping my legs in the freezing river with my party clothes still on, I will think of you. And I will think of running through the sand dunes and lying with you by the fire on the beach and your guitar and your smell and your brown hands and your hands in my hair and your lips on mine and our favourite songs together,...

Khuahishien bekaaboo hai, shauk e jannat mujhay ab na raha. Bech diya meinay jisam, keemat ka andaza mujhay ab na raha. Tere aanchal mein meinay apna daaman dhaank diya, tere saye talay mein sooraj ko shikasta kiya.  Tere ankhon mein meri dunya basti hai, kyun kehtay hain yeh kay tu aik hawas ki masti hai.  Tere hathon ki lakeeron mein mera na naam hai na nishaan,  Mere hath utha kar dekh, duaoun mein aaj bhi zinda hai tu.  Mein kaise samjhoun meinay kis say mohabbat ki hai, bohot saada hai tu, yeh samjhtay hain tujhay ruswai kay ilawa koi shauk nahi.  Rehti hai tu mere dil mein, jaise farishton ki ankhon mein noor rehta hai.  Lekin, tere hathon ki lakeeron mein mera na naam hai na nishaan, Mere hath utha kar dekh, duaoun mein aaj bhi zinda hai tu.  Tou kya howa, gham-e-dunya mein chor gayi tu mujhay, tou kya howa toonay dil ko sheesha samajh kar tordiya,  Tou kya howa tunay mujhsay mohabbat nahi ki,  Tou kya howa ham aik nahi hosakay,...

Raatien tham se gayi hain,  Jaisay hawaen tham jati hai barsaat kay bad.  Dil toot sa gaya hai,  Jaisay zameen toot se jaati hai bijli girnay ka bad.  Lab khamosh se hogaye hain,  Jaisay ruk gayi ho dharkan mere dil mein.  Ankhien nam hain,  Log poochtay hain, aisay bhi kya gham hain.  Mera hasnay ko dil nahi karta,  Tum mere labon pe bastay hou.  Mein aksar larkhara jata hun,  Gir jata hun, aur tmhay dhoondta hun lekin ab tum hath nahi barhatay,  Ab tum galay nahi lagatay, ab tum ankh nahi milatay.  Mein kufr karta hun, tou mera khuda naraz.  Mein mohabbat karta hun, tou tu naraz.  Mein namaz parhta hun, tou dua mein tera nam.  Mein tere hath ki lakeerien parta hun, tou mera naam hi nahi hai.  Mein ro parta hun, tou mere sar ko teri yaad.  Mein hasta hun, tou honton pe phir teray charchay hotay hain,  Phir tu mujhay yaad ati hai, phir mein yaadon kay samandar mein doob jata hun,  Phir...

Hickies wash off your body as if they were watercolour paint and you are the wrong side of the canvas. I am so stubborn they turn purple on my tongue but by the time I have to let you go, you are pale again. And nobody has ever been so proud to say they were mine because everything i hold turns bitter but i really did try to make it easier to love me when it came to you. I really did try to accept your apologies and trust you fully and treat you as if you were fragile but you are so mighty, my love. I am sorry it scares me when your skin doesn't bruise.

Why did you do this to me? Why did you make me believe in love? Why did you make me fall in love with you when you had no intentions of loving me back? Does that even hurt you, even a little? Or is it just me getting my soul crushed with all these sorrows. Why did you kiss me when I meant nothing more than a fuckboy? Why did you give me a reason to live my life again, in fact, you became the reason I came out of my dark life to light, did you do this to throw me back deeper inside? You did not even owe me an apology? Absolutely not. You were not in love, I was. I was the one keeping things intact between us when you hurtled me a million times and I faked a smile because losing you was never a part of my wants. I always came to you, said my word and said an apology when I made a mistake, what did you do? Alright, I failed our relationship but you failed our friendship. With you died my heart, which won't love someone like it loved you. And that kills me to know that you would no...

Dearly Beloved! What happened to you. one morning you just woke up at 7 in the morning and forgot me. You had fallen out of love with me. Could you just not tell me that I wasn't good enough for you, and said your goodbyes in somewhat better manner, but how did this happen. how did you lose your feelings in just one night? and why can't I lose mine in 81 days i have spent without you now? Why is it that i cannot teach my heart to back off why do i still have dreams of you every fucking day, why is it that my heart wont just turn around and pick up a new pave? How did you do it? What made you do it? Was it this easy? When i found you, you were always a fragile little girl , a girl with hazel brown eyes and a beautiful face sculpted in the most profane art. But your heart which all rotten meat, so i decided to cut myself and fix you, and i did fix you. I made you fall in love again. And i decided to never let you down by backing out of it, or doing what he did to you. B...

This piece of my writing is called " In the end you only have you" Just another night when I switched off every little source of light and locked myself up in my bedroom containing my demons inside. Complete darkness and dead silence prevailing and the only sound remaining was the ear-shattering sound of my thoughts. My body feeling powerless and tired, bones aching screaming they couldn't take any more pain. Heart trying to split the ribcage and freed itself from all the awful aching pressure and the pain brewing in my chest. A mournful cry forced itself out of my half-opened mouth. My eyes flooding with water and life flashing like a movie in front of me. I remembered how your soothing embrace around my skin made me feel safe and warm and how my hands intertwined perfectly with yours. I screeched at my helplessness how after you left I felt absolutely nothing when anyone hugged me,. I had zero expressions on my face as I hugged anyone like a lifeless body wrapped ar...

Dear what if,  365 days ago, 12:56 am, do you remember the first ever notification you got from me? I told you, you were an amazing pack of humour, and you replied by saying if it was sarcasm. And then it went down to 4 am in the morning, and that is how it all started. In 4 days, you and me were like the north and south of love magnetism, instantaneouly attracted. When i heard about all your heart break and you heard about mine. When you got closer to me, and so did i. Here is a letter or something of that kind, as i remember the days and nights we have spent together, i lay in wonder if anything would ever be the same again. How you left terrrorises me, i could never imagine you would do that to me. I remember when you first whispered in my ear, and that call went for 4 hours straight without a lag. And today, i have spent 331 days with you, and you had been away since a whole month now. I wonder if everything will be the same again, i wonder if i would ever get to touch and ...

I am glad that you are now walking hands in hands with the people who broke us. With the people who ruined us. I hope you patch them back up, or what ever your objective is. I'd be lying if i'd say that makes me happy, its just that none of you have the spine to bear the weight of what i carry.

Somebody. Somebody who i was in mad love with. Somebody who was not mine. Somebody whos laughter flavoured the halls of gods heaven. Somebody who's eyes were like holes in the floors of heaven. Somebody who came close to me, pierced right through me and saw my naked soul. Somebody who resides within my broken heart. Somebody who is no longer here. Somebody who chose strangers over me. Somebody who is in contact with people who broke us. Somebody who i relied on. Somebody who i chose to trust, and i shattered down to knees. Somebody who was and still is everything to me but we no longer talk. Somebody without whom my days were dark and nights sung my demise. Somebody who i can no longer hold. Somebody who i can no longer kiss. Somebody i used to talk for hours. Somebody i haven't heard in ages. Somebody who pushed me away. Somebody who taught me about a heart break. Somebody who no longer makes my body moan. Somebody on who i can't use my body and pull air out there lung...

I do not write so my voice can be heard I don't think of myself that highly, that I should be the one to be shouting loudest over everyone else. I write so that you don't have to. I write so that your words will not fall on deaf ears. I write so that you know that you are not alone.

When it’s even hard to put into words, how much you mean to me how can I describe my sadness about losing you? When I can’t find a single word that would do justice to your value how am I supposed to express my emotions of missing you? There are so many things that come to my mind, when I think about our past. Memories of laughter we shared. Late night talks and walks. Inside jokes that will never be told again. I don’t know where to begin with. I don’t even know what I miss the most about you. Is it the feeling of safety you gave me? Is it your shoulder you offered me to lean on? Or is it something else? Something so gracefully I can’t even understand? Something that took my air to breath when you walked away. Something that I never thought would leave me so empty. You’re in my head when I go to sleep. You’re the first one I think about in the morning. You’re the one, they sing about on the radio. You’re the one that crosses my mind way too often. You’re the sunshine that’s now co...

Sometimes i am guilty, but when i remember your body moaned, i wanna rip your clothes off and do it again. Memory is a funny thing. 

Up there, I lit a cigarette and puffed it. Now here is the story, the smoke I burnt took the shape of your face in the wild air where I could barely withstand my hair. Your face out of nowhere in a land of unknown came right in front of me and I was astonished yet, to see you, who said: you don't exist in places and I was shocked that your residence was my broken heart.  Dear, you, I am sorry for screwing your heart like that, and I am sorry for being at my lows. You said you weren't worth staying in my thoughts then what were you doing up there with me? I follow your existance darling, like a lost puppy. I am sorry that I changed but I guess I had the right to love again, I guess I was okay with choosing my self a new life but it was more than hard for me to leave you. There was one thing I could not do and it was moving on with you. I could not lose you, I did but never imagined to. I find you in every tear I shed, in every laughter I watch, in every scent I smell, your frag...

While it didn't last long, you changed me. Made me a better person and showed me what it feels like to be free. You touched my naked body and ate my moans. It was almost spiritual the way you kissed me. It felt like heaven and hell and everything in between .....  I miss you.