In the end you only have you

This piece of my writing is called " In the end you only have you"
Just another night when I switched off every little source of light and locked myself up in my bedroom containing my demons inside. Complete darkness and dead silence prevailing and the only sound remaining was the ear-shattering sound of my thoughts.
My body feeling powerless and tired, bones aching screaming they couldn't take any more pain.
Heart trying to split the ribcage and freed itself from all the awful aching pressure and the pain brewing in my chest.

A mournful cry forced itself out of my half-opened mouth. My eyes flooding with water and life flashing like a movie in front of me. I remembered how your soothing embrace around my skin made me feel safe and warm and how my hands intertwined perfectly with yours. I screeched at my helplessness how after you left I felt absolutely nothing when anyone hugged me,. I had zero expressions on my face as I hugged anyone like a lifeless body wrapped around a living thing.
I remembered how you traced your fingertips around my nape and a gush of cold air ran through my spine at the thought.

I closed my eyes, tears escaping through the corners of my eyes as I began to reminisce how your lips smeared with sweet wine deceived me by your fake promises. I remembered how after I fell for you so hard you became a monster. All your sweet words were replaced with insults and letting me down. How I had begun to beg for your love and attention and giving myself excuses to justify your every action. And how you lured me back everytime with your coy words just to leave me feeling pathetic and worthless once again. And this vicious cycle was never-ending.
How I kept myself in neglect deliberately and kept seeing you with rose-coloured lenses. I told myself how if I put more effort you'll stop hurting me while my conscience kept mumbling to stop hurting myself something that isn't there. And I quietened it.

I remembered the days when I saw cosmos, galaxies and constellations in your eyes as the image of my face blurred in your eyes. I used to giggle at the sight but now the realization hit me that how my blurred image in your eyes was a metaphor for my existence fading away in your life, of me losing myself in the process of loving you.

The monster inside of me was becoming wild. I felt like breaking everything around me to stop the noise that was ripping the neurons in my brain. How all the world was so oblivious, sound asleep that it felt like as if they weren't alive. And how alive yet dead I was feeling. Sound of my throbbing heart, the sound of blood flowing through my arteries and veins reverberating. How sleepless I was , awake for days, insomniac , restless, all my organs weeping and tears gushing forth in streams.

I felt disgusted for choosing a familiar pain every time and believing it to be my destiny.
My eyes were wet and puffy as a ray of sunlight shined onto my face. It was morning. Another night turned into a day overthinking but this morning was different. I had realized I was guilty of killing myself in making someone feel alive with my love who was totally okay with sucking all the life out of me. I promised myself of not feeding his ego anymore that he never compromised for loving me.
" I'll love myself more than I ever love anyone now", I whispered. And I felt peace seeping into my head. "He will now call me cold-hearted", a thought flashed. " I don't care anymore, I am done now", I smiled at my reflection in the glass of the window pane that had brought me the light to a day where I valued myself more than anyone and anything.