hollowdemons

I wrote a book and burnt that. I don't remember exactly what i put in it, but the next book i'll write will be the revolution around you. I began with this habit again because of you, just you, one reason to write again. Never faked a word, never made up a feeling.  I've seen you, in the most innocent manners, like you appreciated shitty write ups.  As i write, in all the notifications there's one name i search. Your name.  I look for you in every place,  I want to find you,  I know he's a better writer than me, i know you love his stuff but i exist,  Maybe i crave you, he doesn't.  Maybe he deserves the appreciation i die for. Appreciation from you.  Right now at 3am in night, i can't take you out of my head, you're in every little blood cell in my body, and without you i can't exist, i can't exist. I just can not be who i am without you. You're the one that keeps me going, i'm just a dead sad teenager who in the entire worlds popul...

When you leave a person in misery who actually loved you ,not checking up on them even once how they're surviving the agony you put them in. They will rise on their own after breaking and reconstructing every piece of their souls a couple of million times. They'll cry, they'll scream their lungs out. They'll ache, they'll self loathe.The world will end for them in several nights and start again in the mornings. But once their tears get dried up. Once they endure all this on their own, remember even your coming back in their lives , your regrets , your apologies, your everything will become irrelevant. That would probably give them some satisfaction but you would no longer have your privilege of making them happy anymore. Once the iron has been burned enough it becomes steel, once the carbon undergoes enough pressure , it becomes diamond. Only when it has been seared to its core, we get pure gold and then THERE IS NO GOING BACK. HUMANS ARE LIKE THAT TOO. ONCE THEY ...

Loving you was like an instinct in me effortlessly flowing for you just because you are you but how bone crushingly exhausting it was to convince you that. The soul tiring mission draining all the energy I had, but unable to be granted any mercy from you. How intensely a heart can love and how vehemently the other can be brutal doesn't let me be at peace in all those heart rending nights when the inside of my soul feels as dark as the darkness and gloom of the blackened clouds outside YOU my home PMA farewell love and in case i dont wake up tomorrow i love you so much my beloved

Everyone lives in the present, the reality and seek love in people they're physically surrounded with. But for me your existence even at a distance is more real than the reality itself. You're wise for going with the flow, growing , changing, for change is an indication of life. Change is what makes flowers grow giving life to the earth that is dead. While I lay lifeless not willing to accept life breathing into me from elsewhere but you. I stay bonded to the beautiful shackles of your jagged memories cutting my soul through my skin like deli meat but my heart not willing to let go of the love we had so extraordinary , so unreal for this world. My mind has your image as clear as can be drawn in permanent ink. The atoms of the universe around me whisper into my ears the implicit understanding of how my existence depends on yours but smirk at my helplessness. And I beg the universe to have mercy and bring you back to me for my home, my happiness all depends on you. Being ...

I hadn't told them about you. But they saw you smiling in my eyes. I hadn't told them about you but they heard you in the words I speak. I hadn't told them about you but they read you in the words I write. I hadn't told them about you but they sniffed your perfume in my existence. I hadn't told them about you but they saw your reflection in my soul.So hear me O' mighty Hear me tell the world of her beauty She is soft, subtle like the calm waters of the lake. Her heart precious and one of a kind. The eyes whose warmth feels like a caress on the skins of people who she loves. But it is just another shade of her. She is all knowing not naive. She is raw and fierce. You cannot calm the ire in her veins, the storm having the potential to shake all the foundations. Her spirit is unbreakable and not willing to be tamed. The flames of the fire in her soul fueling her passion unable to be stifled. She could breathe fire when needed and be soft and caressing as a melo...

IN A ROOM FULL OF ART I WILL STILL STARE AT YOU "I am glad you're happy without me. I always wanted you to choose your happiness while you gave it in other people's hands and now when you finally chose to be happy , I am the happiest even if it doesn't involve me.My love maybe selfish but I ain't. Sadness is what my existence is kneaded of. All I could always offer you was comfort in your hardest times but maybe I could never make you smile coz that's something I myself need to learn how to." ...…................................."You know we all get tired and sad if we stay at home for long and want to get out to have fun and maybe smile and laugh a little but if someone tries to snatch away our home from us , we would be the saddest, no happiness we ever got staying outside will matter then.Smiling and happiness ain't always the same thing. The home is the ultimate happiness afterall. You know why coz no matter the home sometimes have sadness ...

I think about your problems like they are my own kids. A bond like a mother has it with the child in her womb, intimate , unbreakable, etched in all the 206 bones of the body. I worry about your problems like a mother worries about her kids who she has given birth to and nurtured eversince.I live the pain of your problems without feeling it as a burden like a mother feels the pain in the painful contractions of giving birth without a hint of discomfort and suffers it all because the child is a part of her . My tears have been frozen in my eyes since a long time but they somehow manage to drip at your pain as my heart sinks in my chest all shattered into innumerable pieces. You might blame me for inaction at times but strip my soul naked and all you'll ever find will be pieces of you branded on my soul and I desperately trying to piece them together. Your sadness seeps into my bones and I've no escape from it. My mind is unable to evade thoughts of caring for you. I am a will...

6:30am Unconditional people like you aren't meant to be loved. Why would someone make an effort to love you when they know for a fact that the benefits won't stop with or without it. Your love doesn't excite them anymore because it is consistent and people get bored of monotony. They would make you die everyday and then grant you reprieve in your last moments to start it all over. There's no salvation or escape because you yourself chose for it. Its just one of those freezing nights with cold shrills and warm tears overflowing from a gaping hole in my wretched heart when my lungs give up from all the heaviness they feel as all my insides scream yearning for you like an empty stomach gives out the hunger pangs craving food, like the dry lips crave for a droplet of water, like an abandoned child yearns for shelter, like an infertile person craves for a child, like a lonely person craves to be hugged, like an unemployed yearns for a decent job,like the sick craves for...

Getting sucked into gaslighting , I get confused , I weaken. I almost fall a prey to the manipulator's strong trap. Their outright lies are all about making me fall apart from you, my most loved possession. But how can they make a person my weakness who's my biggest strength. On the verge of losing my sanity , you keep me sane. When I am at my lowest , questioning my own existence , I tell myself even if I am unsure of my worth, it is a lot. Its a lot because I was worthy enough that among all the people in the world, I had a privilege of meeting and loving you. If I were someone else other than me, I wouldn't have had you in my life and even the thought of this is enough to break me down. But I am blessed , I have you. My love and trust for you knows no bounds. At this, I no longer question my reality coz if I have you I don't care if I lose everyone else, and the comfort seeps into my veins revitalizing my entire existence.

If you look at the sky, no matter how far your eyes try to look at the vast sky, it's infinite and so is my love for you. Infinite , unfathomable and beautiful you tell me you want a story these are my stories to you my love this is my soul for now  i write for you of you I love you so much and that's the only thing that will always make sense to me People tend to ruin everything beautiful they can't get. Their blackened hearts strewn with darkness like the stinky moss covering the rocks at the sea try to counterfeit the comfort they aren't lucky enough to feel by the satisfaction of seeing others as miserable as them. They tend to demolish the bricks that never made them a home while the other souls found home in each other. They can't stand the warmth between two hearts while their hands and hearts and everything is cold. Their eyes are glued to the serenity in the eyes of two people whose happiness lies in each other. Seeing people breathe light while they su...

I PUSHED EVERYONE AWAY BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T YOU.... This piece of my writing is called " In the end you only have you" Just another night when I switched off every little source of light and locked myself up in my bedroom containing my demons inside. Complete darkness and dead silence prevailing and the only sound remaining was the ear shattering sound of my thoughts. My body feeling powerless and tired , bones aching screaming they couldn't take anymore pain. Heart trying to split the ribcage and freed itself from all the awful aching pressure and the pain brewing in my chest. A mournful cry forced itself out of my half opened mouth. My eyes flooding with water and life flashing like a movie in front of me. I remembered how your soothing embrace around my skin made me feel safe and warm and how my hands intertwined perfectly with yours. I screeched on my helplessness how after you left I felt absolutely nothing when anyone hugged me, . I had zero expressions o...

I'm terrified of your kisses. Of your touch. I'm terrified of the warmth of your heart, of your love. I'm terrifying of the good times we share. I'm terrified that one day I'll long for your touch. for the taste of your lips. but you won't be there to kiss me. when ever my lips will be dying for yours. I'm terrified that the warmth of your love won't be there to keep me warm whenever my heart will be cold and in the brink of breaking. I'm terrified that one day I'll need you the most and you won't be there. I'm terrified of the yelling and fighting. I'm terrified of the pain I would cause you. I'm terrified of breaking your heart in way I never imagined. I shakes me to the core that the smile I put on your lips, that the joy you say you can't  help but show off to the world will be erased by me. That your pain will be my doing and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life. I'm terrified of our love, as be...

Millions of thoughts have been swirling through my mind these days but in them i realised my ultimate aim was to make you fall in love with me. I want that, because in you i've summed all my happiness, you are unique in every facet, and not being loved by you had ruined me, then imagine what can being loved by you can do to me. It will be like a rose growing in mid dessert. Our love story can be as wondrous, all we gotta do is join hands and never let go. In the deepest nights like once we stuck together, like once sung together, like once we danced and cooked together, the distance between us could not break out date nights as i kissed your lips through my phone screen and we slept together, how we woke up rushing towards each other, your company made me forget all the worldly sorrow, darling, i've fallen for you, this is a well i don't want to be pulled out of, i am ready for that to bruise me, scar me, because there won't be anything as compared to the bite you g...

It's almost 8 months since we first got to know each other. And these by far were the best 8 months of my entire life.  I've met you, in your heart i met home, in your eyes i met all the universe, in your breath i smelled the warmth of multiple galaxies, holding your hands in my palms felt like i held the entire universe, galaxies, every thing existing in my hands. In my bare hands i fixed everything. Because to me, they were nothing but you. Only you. Although i love you so much, i can not afford to loose you at any point in life, i want us, i want our nights and days back. I want to fight for you, i want to succeed for you, they say the relationships are decided in the skies, i want to prove them right, i want to win for you. I want you, doesn't matter how difficult it is. If i don't, i can imagine my entire life alone, single, in case i have to loose you to your husband, i'll not drop a tear in front of you, i'll smile for you, i'll not blame you, i...

In front of the wall was family being made, a little girl settling, a father oh so happy, a mother celebrating, a brother proud and emotional and the sister with wet eyes.  In front of the wall there was a stage, a setup for the bride and groom, the rings were awaiting the finger, the families were awaiting hugs, and the heartiest congratulations to each other.  Behind the wall. There was a young man standing. A man who loved the girl more than anyone. Behind the wall there was a heart breaking, a man shattering, a love story ending, a earthquake shaking the legs, a storm of feelings on its way back to the seashore. Behind the wall she was crying, behind the wall he was crying, in front of the wall they were smiling, she was faking and he was faking. Both knew what love was.  Both were settling, she was going, his wait was over. The love story was over.  And he handed her over.  With a smile with millions messages, in the eyes it was written how personified...

Dear love of my life,  I might never be able to get the love back from you,but i will never give up on us.No matter what life brings,no matter how ugly the days turn and no matter how difficult the nights turn.I'll put my head into the pillow,and cry all night,live devastated all day,but you won't see me quit.Quitting is just not my thing.We've spent our night together,our bodies wrapped around each other,i learnt every inch of your body and you knew what makes me feel good.We were the free bird so we'd dance,sing and whisper all night, one after the other mid night hour.I'll always be willing to be near you.I will wait my entire life for you,even if our paths do not mingle,i'd want you to be happy and live with what you're destined for.I'll be very angry,completely destroyed but even you know what magic your smile has always been doing to me.I'll live like a mere beggar on the alms of your eyes, will wait like a tear drop who awaits the closur...

As i walked down in the darkness of jungle looking at the stars too far, skies too high, feeling the silence of wind and hardly moving of the timber trees over my head, hearing my heart beat and my soul crying, cleaning my blood tears from mid chest. I saw a glimpse of you, again.  I knew you were there, i just couldn't see you anymore, i can not feel the touch of you anymore, i can not witness the calmness of your breathing anymore, and as you slept over my arm exhaling the warmth of breath with an unmatchable scent. I want to know what wasn't enough for? Why'd you walk away in the depth of night, why would you leave me when i loved you and you loved me back.  Possibly because i was a broken loner, and you knew how to heal and you came like a healer, and i think you were through with your job, i think my healing was complete and i know you weren't happy seeing me all good. Flowing in air, living like a nice young fellow. I know that was too much to handle for y...

2am: as i lied in the stillness of night with a bare company of someone i love. Wrenched and shattered little heart and brain of mine said we're through with you but we weren't. We three little shit pieces never did move on.  I'll tell you how,  A boy who you didn't reply had a million questions in mind. Like, is there anybody else? What would she be up to at 2 in the night? She just said she was in the bed and so am i so what is going on? Where's she?  Is there somebody else? Anyone else more important? Maybe she's changed or maybe she's find someone better. Maybe a company to her which means more or maybe she's just ignoring me? My emotions in the well. My heart sinking. Everything in short goes through my mind.  One reason. Love.  I fell in love with you at a very vulnerable age, and as i matured up, i realised there was no living without you. All i wanted, want and ever will want is you.  And what do i get? Broken promises. Useless talks. No ...

last night while coming back again he finally said, "I'm anxious not broken. some people walk on eggshells around me. i can see it when they move, their feet softly hitting the ground, hoping not to upset me or scare me in any way. I'm not a fragile bird with a broken wing that is going to ask you to help me. I don't need your help. Stop walking around me as I'm going to shatter with any sudden movements. I'm not broken, I'm not cracked. I am a flawed human being trying to make it like everyone else is. I don't want to be treated like a child who's scared of dark. I don't want to be cooed at so I don't cry in the middle of having an anxiety attack. I need you to let me freak the fuck out for two seconds. I promise you, I won't be mad at you when I collect myself but I need you to back the fuck up. My anxiety isn't something you can fix with your careful petty. My anxiety isn't going to deem itself unfit and just leave. My an...

As i walked down in the darkness of jungle looking at the stars too far, skies too high, feeling the silence of wind and hardly moving of the timber trees over my head, hearing my heart beat and my soul crying, cleaning my blood tears from mid chest. I saw a glimpse of you, again.  I knew you were there, i just couldn't see you anymore, i can not feel the touch of you anymore, i can not witness the calmness of your breathing anymore, and as you slept over my arm exhaling the warmth of breath with an unmatchable scent. I want to know what wasn't enough for? Why'd you walk away in the depth of night, why would you leave me when i loved you and you loved me back.  Possibly because i was a broken loner, and you knew how to heal and you came like a healer, and i think you were through with your job, i think my healing was complete and i know you weren't happy seeing me all good. Flowing in air, living like a nice young fellow. I know that was too much to handle for you...

2am: as i lied in the stillness of night with a bare company of someone i love. Wrenched and shattered little heart and brain of mine said we're through with you but we weren't. We three little shit pieces never did move on.  I'll tell you how,  A boy who you didn't reply had a million questions in mind. Like, is there anybody else? What would she be up to at 2 in the night? She just said she was in the bed and so am i so what is going on? Where's she?  Is there somebody else? Anyone else more important? Maybe she's changed or maybe she's find someone better. Maybe a company to her which means more or maybe she's just ignoring me? My emotions in the well. My heart sinking. Everything in short goes through my mind.  One reason. Love.  I fell in love with you at a very vulnerable age, and as i matured up, i realised there was no living without you. All i wanted, want and ever will want is you.  And what do i get? Broken promises. Useless talks. No ...

When you fall in love with someone,  When you'll be getting married to someone, As the canadians will do the bhangra, As the british will play the bands,  As the colombians will blow the flutes and as the punjabis will dance.  Dear lover, will you not miss us? Will you not think about how we planned our marriage, and now okay what a gamble is this to give you to someone.  Someone who would be the father of the daughters i wanted. A father to sons i wanted. A man with no boundaries, who could kiss you, touch you, and do everything possible because you'll be his.  A man who can call you his. Like i called you mine, but we were young and crazy, weren't we? I remember writing down your dreams on my to-do list, just to win you from everyone. Maybe i haven't lost you. But you're losing me. You still have a lover. And i am instil losing one.  Will you not miss my kiss on your lips?  Will you not miss my touch on your skin?  Will you not miss my h...

What is life without you?  The little queen to my heart. The weather of my happiness. The definition of my dreams. The image to my imaginations.  Without you my dear,  Whether a victory or a loss, everything alongside you falls in place, without you its useless.  As you walked and your paayal squeaked,  The infinite melody of your breathing, your scent, your fragrance, i miss our short meeting,  All the songs i wrote for you, all happiness, all my dreams are with you, and nothing without you.  Silent empty night, sour bitter exchange of words. I lay shocked to every little movement, i see you everywhere, want you always,  Without you my teenage is worthless wait, just a wait.  Your 'Getting ready', putting your make up decorations on,  Asking me, 'How do i look?' Placing hands on your cheeks, listening to what i had to say, And how i fell in love, with, with those mesmerised eyes.  Tell me, WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT YOU?