hollowdemons

I hate you. Not for who you are, and what you did. But for what i became after you. I hate you for that one smile of yours that dragged my heart on the shards of glass. For how i bled day by day, and you breathed it in. For how i crumbled, and cried myself to sleep while you went home smiling. For how i was promised a forever, and for the duration it lasted. For what you said you wouldn't do, and you did. I became something i never was. I traced my skin with blades and coloured your face on canvas, my arms full of stretch marks, and my eyes full of tears. My heart full of love, your heart full of lies. I still find my eyes wet, everytime you reside within them. You dance in the distance. Leaving my soul unsatisfied.

You are my midnight madness and the 3am thought. You are the girl i dream about with my eyes open, and when i still weep at 3am under my blanket. Within four walls, eating me to death, i look for you like you'd breathe a new life in me. Honey, you are the little girl i fell in love with, i wanted to grow up with. I remember you fell across the stairs and skinned your knee, and i came running to grab your hand, picked you up and I don’t know why did i not kiss you right there. I wish i would have.  Today, tonight, in this moment and in all other, you make my soul dance in the distance. You said you were beyond residing at places, but you reside within my broken heart. With all my love, with all my sadness, you and me have parted.

Does that make you sad?  The fact, i'll be leaving this city and this country where we first met. The night, which first put us in glares deep into those indefinite galaxies. Where our little lovestory took birth, to our never ending yet a few counted days together. The place where spent almost a year together, fighting, sleeping, waking up, pissing each other off, all together. Writing down memories who no one knew will hurt me this bad after you left. After you planted all those knives in my bones that every little movement hurtfully reminds me of you, and makes my soul ache just a little more everytime. I told you, in utter madness i won't replace you, and i watched you slowly replace me and fade away from my live. Here is a letter, or something of that kind. This is to new beginnings, and every little joyful memory i have made with you, i won't be here any longer.  I will no longer be existing in all the places we have spent time together, so i want you to kno...

I cannot claim to see storms. But I've been taking slow poisons. I was the boy who would be in the gallows for an extra minute or two just to see how strong I was to withstand the pain. I was the boy who would laugh at funerals, I was too naive to see the dark side of pain, I always wanted to be friends with pain, and pain did not accept me. It was too scared to let me near itself as I did not know what sin tasted like. I saw good in everything, like my name, I used to think I could ignite anyone's world, some part of me still does. I hide behind curtains of my ego and achievements, how I am always under control and doing well in life. Only glass I broke that night and woke over it knows the real me. My mind is in a constant battle to lose my sanity and being the best. I have been telling myself that I need nobody so many times that I somehow believe in it, I have never let a single soul embraced my soul completely, not even my ex-lover, maybe that's why I still feel thi...

I lied. You leaving me wasn't okay and it never will be okay. But you lied to me too. You made promises to me that will never be kept those promises vanished into thin air just like how our forever did. When you left me, you took everything. They call me foolish for still loving you. For letting those three blissful words slip through my lips  and into the dark lonely longing air to reach you. But how can i move on when you still have my heart and your voice still resonates through my body and your smile lives in my eyes and everytime my mind wanders it goes directly back to you. I still remember everything and my god i could forget because maybe i wouldn't be hurt this bad. I still remeber the sound of my crying breaking the unbearable silence as we sat there. I remember the way your hands felt on my cheeks as you wiped away my tears. I remember the look in your eyes and the way your voice sounded as you said you loved me for the last time... I miss you more than anythi...

The sun will rise and we will try again.  Your existance is something which never goes un-noticed. I don't text you back, but i read all your texts around ten times a day and end up being shocked that you no longer exist with me. I wanna hold you back, tell you how you meant the world to me and i was nothing. I wanna sit across the table, and cry it out to you how beautiful it was to spend my teenage with you, and laugh on how we did silly things but you're no longer here.  I wanna fall in love again, i wanna find love again but that never happens. The other girl, is never gonna be you. You destroyed me, but everything that causes destruction is addictive, and you're the worst of my addictions. Slowly, i wanna go back in time, and change things, or sink in your skin and change your mind, or just kiss you and say a goodbye but darling, i can't do any of them. I wanna talk to you all day long but you don't deserve my attention. I wanna hold you close but the...