hollowdemons

I hate you. Not for who you are, and what you did. But for what i became after you. I hate you for that one smile of yours that dragged my heart on the shards of glass. For how i bled day by day, and you breathed it in. For how i crumbled, and cried myself to sleep while you went home smiling. For how i was promised a forever, and for the duration it lasted. For what you said you wouldn't do, and you did. I became something i never was. I traced my skin with blades and coloured your face on canvas, my arms full of stretch marks, and my eyes full of tears. My heart full of love, your heart full of lies. I still find my eyes wet, everytime you reside within them. You dance in the distance. Leaving my soul unsatisfied.

You are my midnight madness and the 3am thought. You are the girl i dream about with my eyes open, and when i still weep at 3am under my blanket. Within four walls, eating me to death, i look for you like you'd breathe a new life in me. Honey, you are the little girl i fell in love with, i wanted to grow up with. I remember you fell across the stairs and skinned your knee, and i came running to grab your hand, picked you up and I don’t know why did i not kiss you right there. I wish i would have.  Today, tonight, in this moment and in all other, you make my soul dance in the distance. You said you were beyond residing at places, but you reside within my broken heart. With all my love, with all my sadness, you and me have parted.

Does that make you sad?  The fact, i'll be leaving this city and this country where we first met. The night, which first put us in glares deep into those indefinite galaxies. Where our little lovestory took birth, to our never ending yet a few counted days together. The place where spent almost a year together, fighting, sleeping, waking up, pissing each other off, all together. Writing down memories who no one knew will hurt me this bad after you left. After you planted all those knives in my bones that every little movement hurtfully reminds me of you, and makes my soul ache just a little more everytime. I told you, in utter madness i won't replace you, and i watched you slowly replace me and fade away from my live. Here is a letter, or something of that kind. This is to new beginnings, and every little joyful memory i have made with you, i won't be here any longer.  I will no longer be existing in all the places we have spent time together, so i want you to kno...

I cannot claim to see storms. But I've been taking slow poisons. I was the boy who would be in the gallows for an extra minute or two just to see how strong I was to withstand the pain. I was the boy who would laugh at funerals, I was too naive to see the dark side of pain, I always wanted to be friends with pain, and pain did not accept me. It was too scared to let me near itself as I did not know what sin tasted like. I saw good in everything, like my name, I used to think I could ignite anyone's world, some part of me still does. I hide behind curtains of my ego and achievements, how I am always under control and doing well in life. Only glass I broke that night and woke over it knows the real me. My mind is in a constant battle to lose my sanity and being the best. I have been telling myself that I need nobody so many times that I somehow believe in it, I have never let a single soul embraced my soul completely, not even my ex-lover, maybe that's why I still feel thi...