Dear diary,
You know i wrote on the last page of yours i feared, i feared so much.
I feared that when she'd find someone, a better friend, someone who would catch up with her brain and would meet her intellect. And i'll be the extra one.
I feared when she went out to places where she saw all those couples together and that the thought of being with someone would take her mind and i won't be that 'someone'. I feared that she would just not wake up besides me, she would walk out silently closing the bedroom door at 4Am.
I feared that when i'll wake up, she'd be far away. Too distant.
I feared that she would treat me the worst after bringing the best in me, when she dressed me up and waved a good bye with the angelic smile her face carried.
And i chose to write it down in your last page, everything i feared exists within you. All of this happened. She didn't stop. She went away. She closed the door. She is far away. She's gone.
But where is the victory here in this loss?
Grab that knife, cut my chest open, she told you she didn't reside in places, now see, just for the sake of her glow, for her absolute beauty, please see, look, look at her how she resides within a broken heart.
And you thought she would be gone?
She will never leave me, never... But this is the only place you'll find her.
And the other is my lips, you'll find her there too, as they curve for the smile. And my eyes. She'll flow out from them too.
But no. She's not gone.
She'll never be gone.
She will remain in the drench of my hands when i'll wipe the eyes she made wet.
But i will still keep her. I'll keep her beauty. And i'll keep my hurt. I'll keep her myself because im too afraid to let anyone handle her.
I don't want her to leave my heart, if she left that too, where on earth will i find her again? In her lovers eyes? I can not do that. That is too much spine to ask for.
The diary closed
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