TAB TUM KHAN THAY !!
heart full of love, your heart full of lies
I hate you. Not for who you are, and what you did. But for what i became after you. I hate you for that one smile of yours that dragged my heart on the shards of glass. For how i bled day by day, and you breathed it in. For how i crumbled, and cried myself to sleep while you went home smiling. For how i was promised a forever, and for the duration it lasted. For what you said you wouldn't do, and you did. I became something i never was. I traced my skin with blades and coloured your face on canvas, my arms full of stretch marks, and my eyes full of tears. My heart full of love, your heart full of lies. I still find my eyes wet, everytime you reside within them. You dance in the distance. Leaving my soul unsatisfied.
ReplyDeleteI hope you read this someday. You were my home, just like this abandoned site is. It’s a wrecked building with broken furniture and the walls are painted not with a clean wash but with spots of blood mixed in grime - as if there was something tremendous going on inside. No one could say if it was war or if it was love. But I know they were both. I know we take them as one thing. All these words you’ve written are engraved in my brain. Whenever I feel lost, I visit this graveyard. It belongs to the love that you once had in your life. Then you abandoned this wreckage. And there was I, who wanted to fill this gap. So here goes:
I wanted to love you more. I wanted to give more love. I thought I didn’t love you but I wanted to give you love, you know. I’d pour from an empty heart to fill your cup. I wanted to make you feel what I wanted to feel. If not for myself, I wanted you to be the person who received it all. And I hope that you know this now. I am not there but you are always with me. I hope you get happy, you find peace, you stay calm. I hope you forget me soon as I wasn’t good for you. I thought I was loving you right when I wasn’t, and I am truly regretful for it. I would’ve made sure to love you just in the way you wanted to so you would’ve never get sad because of me. I miss every single thing about you. I don’t remember you, but I do miss you terribly each day. It gets worse with time. But I am learning to live without it. Somedays I replace the thought of you with mindless pleasure, somedays I work on myself in the hopes to move on. But most of the days I am wondering how you would be doing. Maybe you don’t miss me. Maybe you don’t even know what’s my name, or worse, you will be remembering me like I do, and you’d be consumed with the thoughts of me. I don’t really know how much happier you are without me now. Because last time I checked, you were the happiest human when you were with me, and everyone near us could see it. I don’t know how far you’d go there to your journey of happiness, but I pray you have a good flight from there and you forget me soon. Sooner than I will ever be able to. I don’t want to remember myself too. My love was made for giving, and I am happy that I tried, again. I know it wasn’t enough to keep you with me, but I am happy I tried my best. I gave you my love. I did love you.
*Slow Claps*
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